some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
