Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
