So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize