i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Randomize
