so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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