Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
