If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
