the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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