what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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