You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So vagazzling was a success
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
