I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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