everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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