You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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