thus making me awesome and them whores
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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