I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize