I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
