the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
