he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
