On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
