Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
