bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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