you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
