i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
