I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
