He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
