just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
