wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
