I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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