Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I AM VODKA MAN
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
