At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
