How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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