The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize