definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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