I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
