Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
