Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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