how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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