Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
