I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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