Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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