His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
