remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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