YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
