I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
