Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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