he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
