She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
