If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
