Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Life is so much better after having sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
