i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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