I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
