Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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