I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
