I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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