Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
