My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
