I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
