Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They have beer where we have blood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
