Im at strip club and am horny
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
