11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
