I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
