Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
