he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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