You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
