lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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