So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
