Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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