As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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