she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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