If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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