Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
