with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
