I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
