I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
